The Letter
by alphaangel
Summary: Sara didn't only leave a letter for Gil. She had to say goodbye some how.


**Sara didn't only leave a letter for Grissom. She had to say goodbye some way.**

**The Letter**

_Guys,_

_First of all I'm sorry that I had to leave this way, but I just couldn't see any other alternative. It was either leave Vegas, or, well to be honest I'm not sure what would have happened to me. Walking around the desert that day, it gave me a lot of time to think, about who I am, about my childhood. _

_You see, there are things you don't know about me, about my family. Apparently, what with that, and my relationship with Gil, I've become very good at deceiving you all. I'm not sure when I started hiding things, I probably always have been doing so, I don't know how to be open anymore but I'm going to give it ago. _

_I've worked with you all for eight years, I love you all, I care about you and I've trusted you with my life. Now it's time for me to trust you with my past. Some of this might not come as a huge surprise for you, you probably always suspected it. You watched me struggle for years with domestic violence cases, with abuse. I'm possibly just confirming what you always knew, but I grew up in a home where violence was common place. _

_My father beat my mother on a regular basis, she would always have a few bruises, broken ribs, a black eye. I grew up watching him beat her up, I thought it was normal, that it happened in everyone houses. _

_When I was six I dropped a glass while I was helping my mom with the washing up, it smashed and woke my dad up from where he was asleep on the couch, he was drunk. That was the first time he hurt me physically, he fractured my arm. _

_He wouldn't let my mom take me to the hospital until the next day. My mom begged me not to cry because she knew it would just make my dad angrier, I was terrified of him so I just hid in my bedroom. When my mom finally took me_ _to the hospital, she made me promise to tell the doctor that I had fallen down the stairs. _

_After that day I avoided my dad as much as possible, but I didn't manage to avoid his violence all the time. I was always covered in bruises but no one ever noticed, it was just left to go on. My mom finally put a stop to it when I was twelve, she had enough and she just flipped. She stabbed my dad with a knife from the kitchen, I was there. I watched him die. _

_I don't remember what their last fight was about but I do remember the blood spatter on the walls, I remember the lights from the police cars flashing through the windows when they arrived, too late to do anything. They arrested my mom and took her away. They were never there for us when he was beating us up but as soon as she did anything they turned up right away. _

_Mom was sent to prison and I ended up in foster care. I only saw her a couple of time afterwards, my choice, every time I saw her I was reminded of that night._

_Foster care was tough on me. Moving from house to house every few weeks is very unsettling, I soon forgot what it was like to have a home. I lived with strangers, I never knew who I could trust and who I couldn't, so I stopped trusting everyone._

_I started working harder in school to get away from everything, I graduated at sixteen and left for Harvard as soon as I could. My entire time at Harvard was dedicated to studying for my physics degree. I made no friends, didn't go to parties, didn't have wild sex. Sorry to disappoint you boys! When I finished my degree I went to Berkeley to study theoretical physics, my first love!_

_My scholarship and grant didn't cover much and after a few disasters at working in restaurants and shops I took a job with the Coroner's Office. That's how I met Gil. I audited a lecture of his. He introduced me to forensics. I forgot all about a career in theoretical physics, I was obsessed with forensics from that point of. I graduated and, with Gil's help, I applied to the San Francisco Crime Lab. And then Gil called me and I came to Vegas._

_Gil and I got together just over two years ago after I was attacked while working a case at the mental hospital. I know you've all been wandering about it. I love Gil. I've loved him since the day I met him, nine years ago, when I was sat in that lecture hall. I still love him, even though I have left Vegas. I love Gil. Please look after him while I'm away. I'll come back to him. I can't self destruct in front of him. I can't put him through that. I can't put any of you through it because I love you all too much._

_I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'm going to do but I know that I have to get away. So this is my goodbye to you all, I'm sorry I couldn't say it to you all in person. _

_Warrick, you're my cool big brother, always watching out for me with a relaxed smile. Nothing seemed to matter when I was around you, you have a calming effect on me._

_Nick, my best friend, my confidante. Always able to charm me out of a temper, teasing my stubbornness away. Thanks for keeping my secrets. And listening to my worrying. And for finding me in the desert, for saving my life._

_Greg, you're my little brother. I'm so proud of you and so glad I got the chance to work with you so closely. You're turning into an amazing CSI and you've got a great future ahead of you, don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise._

_Catherine, I've never forgotten how you forgot all our arguments and took me out for a beer the night I found out what an idiot Hank was. I don't think you every realised how much that meant to me. I'm so grateful for that._

_Jim, you've been like a father to me. You noticed that I was struggling before anyone else. And you were brave enough to confront me about it. _

_You all saved my life and I hope you don't all hate me for what I have done. Though I'll understand if you do, I hate myself for running away._

_Take care._

_Sara_


End file.
